Photographing Memory: A Friends To Lovers Romance Read online

  She breathed with Alex until he got himself under control again. “We’ve got to get you some help, Alex. In the meantime, I’ll level with you.

  “Chad did bring it up. He came to me, and when he didn’t get anywhere with me, he tried to go to his father.”

  “Oh God.” Alex covered his mouth with one hand. He’d known this would happen, but he still hadn’t been completely prepared for the end.

  “That got him in even deeper shit than he already was. His father takes honesty very seriously, Alex. He hauled him right down to HR and filed a harassment claim. Against Chad.

  “Chad is currently suspended, pending the outcome of the investigation. HR is going to want to talk to you at some point, but I think today is maybe not the best day. Today might be a good day for you to go home and get some rest.”

  She put her hand on his. “Alex, I know the bank has gotten a lot of bad press, and we do have a lot of bureaucracy. But we do try very hard to do right by our people.

  “If we’d known sooner what was going on with Chad, we could have done something sooner. But then again, a lot of the time harassment works because the perpetrator chooses victims he feels can’t fight back, or who have some kind of obligation.”

  Alex stared at Anna in awe, incomprehension, and dismay, all in equal parts. “But … but what about Higgins? Chad was sure he hated me, and he gave proof in that meeting we were all in.”

  Anna made a face and waved her hand dismissively. “Higgins is a homophobe. He’s also a sad old man with nothing to do but sit around and try to ruin other people’s lives. Chad’s had a crush on him for years. It’s a little pathetic, if you ask me.”

  She rolled her eyes. “You impressed Harrington, and that’s what matters. I can’t say any more about that.

  “For today, I’m calling you a cab to take you home. Go take care of yourself. I’ll see you tomorrow, and we’ll get started on sorting out those foreign fees that have been giving us such headaches.”

  Alex wiped away a couple of tears. “Thank you, Anna.”

  “It’s hardly special treatment, Alex. But if it were, you’d have earned it.” She squeezed his hand.

  “Remember, your job is safe as long as mine is. That’s something you don’t have to worry about. The brass likes you, I like you, and you make this bank look good. That’s all you need to keep in mind, Alex.”

  Alex kept his boss’s words in his head as he collected his things and headed out into the brisk November air. The cab Anna had called for him pulled up only a few minutes later, and he made it home not long after that.

  Hopefully, this wouldn’t be home for long. He and Jordan would patch up their differences, and they would find a place of their own. Either way, Alex had found some solid footing at last.

  He tossed his suit over his desk chair and threw himself into his bed. This time he fell asleep within minutes. It wasn’t quite the undisturbed sleep he got when he was curled up next to Jordan, but he figured maybe it was time to wean himself away.

  22

  Jordan had been in shock when Alex kicked him out of the party, but by the time he got back to his own apartment, he’d found his way to fury.

  He’d done everything right. Everything! He’d supported Alex through every irrational fear. He’d helped Alex find his way back to art, which he’d sorely needed. He’d stood up for Alex against a harassing bully who marinated in aftershave.

  And his thanks? His thanks had been to be lumped into the same category as that bully. Was he truly expected to sit there and take it? Honestly? Jordan had put up with a lot from Alex, but this was just too much.

  He went out to a protest march on Saturday, and he didn’t shrink from confrontation. He didn’t seek it, exactly, but he did get arrested and have to wait for his parents to bail him out. When Cindy asked him if Alex would be joining them on Thanksgiving day, he told them that he would join them alone. George simply snorted and said, “Good.”

  Of course, that didn’t mean they were interpreting his words as a breakup. The Davenports didn’t do Thanksgiving like a regular family. They went to a solemn protest against colonialism instead. It was entirely possible that they believed Alex had simply declined to participate in their family tradition. Jordan didn’t ask.

  For that matter, Jordan wasn’t sure he wanted them to be broken up, either. He was still furious. Alex’s utter lack of gratitude felt like a betrayal.

  But they were both pregnant. They’d planned out a life together. What would they do about the babies? What would they do about that life?

  And what if there was some truth to what Alex had said, just before he threw Jordan out? Jordan hadn’t worked in the corporate world. He’d like to think Chad’s behavior — crashing a party and harassing a colleague — would count against him in some way, but these scumbag corporations were all the same, really.

  Chad came from money, and Alex did not. Maybe they would sack Alex, and it wasn’t like any company was going to hire a pregnant person.

  Okay, maybe Jordan felt a little bit bad about that. But just a little. Damn it, Alex couldn’t just sit there and let Chad treat him like that.

  Whatever the consequences were, he was a man and not a mouse. Did he think meek subservience would save him? Was he really choosing the bank that enabled Chad’s harassment over the man who loved him, reawakened his passions, and had given him two children?

  If that was the life Alex wanted, Jordan wanted nothing to do with him.

  He heard from Anna, Alex’s boss, on Monday in about the middle of the morning. “Hey, is everything all right with Alex?” she asked him, after a polite greeting. “His skin is downright sallow, his eyes have such dark circles he looks like a cartoon burglar, and he just ran to the bathroom to puke.”

  Jordan sighed. His heart hurt to think of Alex in such a state, but he couldn’t put himself out there for Alex anymore. He couldn’t put Alex first, only to come in a distant third.

  “Pregnant people puke sometimes, Anna. I honestly couldn’t say what he’s up to. I haven’t seen him since Friday night.”

  Anna didn’t say anything. She might have been waiting for Jordan to say something more. When he didn’t, she finally spoke. “That would be the night of the party.”

  “Oh, you’ve heard about the party?”

  “Chad Milton told me about it. Apparently you’ve got quite the swing. You missed out on a promising career in boxing.”

  “Look, the guy had it coming, and I don’t regret it. But Alex isn’t seeing things the same way, and I haven’t heard from him since. And I don’t expect to.”

  Jordan couldn’t speak for a second, trying to get past the sudden lump in his throat. “He made his choice, and I hope the bank appreciates it.”

  “Wow.” Jordan couldn’t interpret Anna’s reaction from just one syllable, but his grief and his anger told him enough.

  “Don’t you judge me, Anna.” He gritted his teeth against his anger.

  “All I know is that I’ve got a very sick pregnant man here. And someone needs to take care of him. It looks like that someone isn’t going to be you. Good luck in your future endeavors, Jordan. I hope you’re happy in the life you’ve chosen.”

  Anna hung up.

  Jordan stared at the phone for a moment. How dared Anna judge him? Alex had been the one to choose the bank over him — the bank that let Chad harass him, the bank that walked all over him.

  The bank that had to be talked into cutting his hours back to only twelve hours a day, because he was pregnant, and Jesus Christ what the hell kind of world was this, where he a man chose that kind of abuse over a man who loved him and treated him like someone to cherish and keep safe?

  The kind of world where a man has to earn a living. The voice in his head sounded suspiciously like his own. The kind of world where a man has seen too much of what it’s like to have nothing. The kind of world where a guy’s had too much responsibility for supporting other people for too long.

  He got a visit fro
m Devon a few hours later. Devon gave Jordan a curious look. “So you got yourself arrested again?”

  Jordan rolled his eyes. “I kind of think the fate of research animals at Draper Labs is more important than worrying about what happens to my weekend, don’t you?”

  Devon snorted and flopped down onto Jordan’s couch. “Except you got arrested at a protest against homophobic policies in Russia, genius.”

  Jordan grimaced, but he sat down in his seat. “Whatever. That’s even more important, don’t you think?”

  Devon scoffed. “Dude. Do you even pay attention to which actions you’re involved with? Or do you just kind of throw yourself in and hope for the best?” He put his feet up on the coffee table.

  “It’s all important, man. I don’t get to pick and choose.” Jordan shook his head.

  “You’re going to have to. You’re going to have two babies running around. You can’t just go dragging them into the fray.”

  “Why not? My parents did.” Jordan chewed on his nails. What was Alex doing right now? Whatever he was doing, it wasn’t Jordan’s problem.

  “Yeah, okay, and now you can’t even tell what cause you got arrested for. Unless you did it just to punish Alex.”

  Devon raised an eyebrow. “You know he didn’t come out of his room once the entire weekend. He didn’t eat at all. From what I could see of things, he didn’t sleep. He came home early from work, so I don’t know if what happened at the party got him sacked or not, but he’s in rough shape.”

  “He’s doing it for the attention.” Jordan stared straight ahead. If he looked at Devon, he might cry, or crumble. “He’ll be fine. Trust me on this.”

  “Yeah, okay.” Devon fussed with the hem of his button-down. “What’s happening to you, man? You loved him. You got into a fistfight for him. I mean, I told you not to, and so did he, but you still did it.”

  “Yeah, and he was so grateful he tossed me out of the party.” Jordan waved his hand. “I’m done. I just — I don’t know. There’s only so far you can go for a guy before you have to admit he’s not going to do the same for you.”

  “Ok. You mean like when he stood up to your parents for you, or when he sat down with you to figure out a budget that wouldn’t put any pressure on you to make changes at all, other than not getting arrested.” Devon smirked. “I mean, yeah, totally not the same thing.”

  “It isn’t.” Jordan glared. “That bank owns him. He’s always going to choose that bank. Every single time. He’s never going to choose me.

  “And I have to accept that, but I don’t have to accept it from my partner. We can co-parent, but we don’t have to be together. I deserve someone who will choose me.”

  Devon considered. “Yeah, okay. And I know you’re not used to considering this, but how are you going to fund that?”

  He grabbed the remote. “Let’s relax. I’m not here to sell you on Alex, and I’m not trying to sell Alex on you. I haven’t actually spoken to him.

  “You guys are going to do what you’re going to do, and I’m friends with both of you. I’m just — well, I think you’re being a little weird about your expectations, bro, and I don’t want to see you setting yourself and your kids up for a lifetime of pain because of it.

  “But you’re an adult. You’ll make your own choices, and you’ve got your reasons. I’ll pop some popcorn and watch from the sides, whether I’m watching comedy, romance, or tragedy. It doesn’t matter much to me, I guess.” Devon flipped to the home channel.

  Jordan stewed on Devon’s words for a couple of days. He knew Devon wanted him to reconcile with Alex, but he wasn’t ready. Not yet. He hadn’t heard any contrition from Alex, and frankly, he didn’t think he would.

  The issue was fundamental to both of them. Jordan wanted to be first in Alex’s life, and Alex was too hung up on the stupid bank.

  That was all there was to it.

  He called Alex on Wednesday. Alex picked up right away, like he’d been waiting for his call.

  “Jordan,” he said, and part of Jordan’s heart melted. Alex sounded so relieved to hear from him, and so happy. Jordan hated himself for what he was about to do. “How are you?”

  “I’m okay, you know? Getting back into the swing of things.” He cleared his throat. He had to be strong.

  “We should meet up and exchange whatever stuff we left at each other’s houses, talk about visitation and custody and stuff.”

  Alex fell silent for a long, awful moment. Then he took a deep breath. “Yeah. Yeah, okay. The visitation and custody should probably go through a lawyer, but I can’t afford one right now, so I guess we’ll have to make do.”

  His voice was colder, distant. It was quiet, but he wasn’t fighting.

  Jordan had made the decision to call things off, but he found himself irrationally angry about Alex’s response. “Just like that? ‘Okay?’ Good to know it meant something, I guess.”

  “I’m at work, Jordan. I’m not going to sit here and fight with you about it. And honestly, I figured you didn’t want to keep things going when you didn’t call on Saturday.”

  “I was in jail on Saturday, you self-centered bastard!”

  Jordan realized it was the wrong thing to say when Alex started to laugh. It was a bitter, humorless laugh, but he was laughing anyway. “You really like it in there, huh? I guess being with me was worse than being in lockup.

  “Well, fortunately for you, there’s nothing to hold you back anymore. They’ll probably wind up giving me custody of the kid you’re carrying, since you have a fetish for correctional facilities. Which — fine, whatever. I’ll make it work. But it’s just funny that you satisfied your need to pretend you’re a hero and get cuffed for some righteous cause just as soon as you could, since you couldn’t pull it off at my house.”

  “Oh go to Hell, Alex. You know goddamn well someone had to protect you from Chad.” Jordan snarled into the phone, gripping the handset so hard he thought it would break. “It’s not like you were going to do it.”

  “Hm. Well, since you ‘protected’ me so well, Chad went straight to Anna, and then he went to HR, and to everyone his father knows at this bank. His whole goal was to get me fired, and while I know you don’t give half a crap about me, my livelihood or my career, I’m real curious about how your hero complex is going to keep a roof over our kids’ heads, or food in our kids’ bellies. It’s not like you’re going to do it, bouncing back and forth between jails.”

  Jordan sucked in a deep breath. Alex’s words hurt, like he was being stabbed. “Alex,” he whispered, clutching at his chest.

  “Don’t start with me now. It’s too late. Just meet me at the Dunkin Donuts facing the Common on Saturday at one o’clock. Bring my things and some kind of draft of a custody or visitation agreement. I’ll do the same, we can both bring a witness. We never have to see each other again, except to hand off the kids.”

  Alex hung up the phone. Jordan stared at the wall, tears scalding his cheeks. The breach was final. Alex never wanted to see him again.

  Jordan had chosen to split with him, and now he’d gotten his wish. Now that he had it, he couldn’t help but feel that he’d lost the greatest thing to ever happen in his life, and he couldn’t get it back.

  23

  Alex put the bag of Jordan’s things onto the chair beside him and toyed with his cup of hot cocoa. His brand new doctor, Dr. Gutierrez, had pretty much demanded he cut way back on caffeine. Hot cocoa had caffeine in it, but not as much as coffee or tea. It would have to do for now.

  Jordan walked into the shop, a scowl on his face. He stormed over to the counter, bought a coffee and a doughnut, and plunked himself down across from Alex. He looked furious.

  He probably was furious. Alex wished he could do something to soothe that anger, but there wasn’t anything he could do and keep his dignity or his job. So he stayed silent.

  “Is that all my stuff?” Jordan eyed the giant duffel bag on the chair beside Alex.

  “Yeah.” Alex looked away. “It’
s everything. I went on a cleaning spree on Tuesday night. Couldn’t sleep, so I figured I might as well be productive.” He took a deep breath and settled his shoulders.

  “Wow. I didn’t think I’d left so much stuff at your place.” Jordan raised his eyebrows and sat back. “No witness?”

  “No one wanted to get involved.” Alex looked down this time. He hadn’t wanted to involve anyone from work, and no one from the house was speaking to him at this point.

  “Yeah. I could have gotten the pro bono guy, but I figured you wouldn’t have trusted him.” Jordan turned his coffee cup around in his hands. The smell made Alex’s mouth water.

  “You’d be right.” Alex took a deep breath. “I guess we can discuss it over email, so we both have a paper trail to refer to.”

  Jordan looked up at him. “Do we have to do it this way? Does it have to be contentious? Can’t we just agree like adults and move on?”

  Alex chuckled. He knew how he sounded. He sounded bitter and angry, because he was.

  “You left me because I failed to show enough gratitude when you deliberately put my livelihood, my parents’ livelihood, and our kids’ livelihoods in jeopardy. You’ll have to forgive me if I’m not overflowing with trust and confidence here.”

  Jordan ran his tongue along his lip. “Do you think you might have some blame there? I mean, I was standing up for you, and all you cared about was the bank.”

  Alex shrugged. “I cared about being able to support us in this new life we were supposed to be embarking on together. That’s gone now. It’s not coming back.

  “They haven’t fired me yet, and Anna says they won’t as long as she’s there, but that just means she’ll lose her job too. Do you understand where I’m coming from here?”

  He threw his hands up. “Screw it. It’s not like it matters anymore. Get it, don’t get it, either way.”

  Jordan sighed and blinked a few times. Alex thought he caught the glimmer of something wet reflected in the fluorescent light, but he had no idea what. “Anna tells me you’re not sleeping again.”